People easily forget, you see. One day you’re wishing for it, the next day you’re asking yourself why you even asked for one.
Many have come to warn us: Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.
And got it I did.
I just took my son to school today. His school service had some papers to fix and so I had to wake up as early as 1am (possibly even earlier) to do my usual routine of flipping every page of his books and notebooks, checking every nook and cranny of his school bag and obsessive-compulsively ensuring that I didn’t miss out on any evidence left of what he’s done in school the previous day. It’s like a ritual. If I miss out, I feel guilty. Always.
Raising a boy has been tough for me, for all my disciplinarian and permissive styles (I operate on extremes), I remain endlessly in awe of the many ways my little boy can push my buttons and eventually get away with it.
There are days when I feel like he’s too much for all my patience. Don’t get me wrong here. He’s a darling — more like a misunderstood angel. He always means well even if he ends up doing the opposite *sometimes*.
But after the usual fights over what to wear, where to go, what to watch and what to eat, there’s always that nagging feeling of ‘this is what I wished for’ — I’ve always wanted a boy. So, challenging as it may seem, I resolve to ‘take this ship into the shore’ and finish the journey in flying colors. After all, this is my son, all that he is (or at least 50%) is a reflection of who I was then, who I am now and who I’ll be in the future.
His conversations are long and intelligent — and frequent. He is easily amused but his smile is genuine.
His feelings are transparent as glass — and easily broken.
His play is exhausting and sometimes even painful. His humor is on a level of its own.
He brings home broken toys he found in the trash, proudly telling me he knows how to fix them.
He asks, “If God made everything, then who made Him? Did he create Himself? How can He create Himself?”
There’s never a discussion without a fight, a debate. He asks questions yet never takes answers as they are. He challenges every rule, every statement, every scientific law.
Yup, he is all I wished for, it seems.
If he is indeed my present and future, it is in him where I can correct mistakes and renew my plans for the future. Today’s petty concerns and struggles are but drops in an ocean of renewable hope.
And if there’s only one life mission for me, I’m pretty sure it involves raising my boy to be the best that I never came to be.
So I guess I shouldn’t mind if he brings home a frog or a spider. After all, it wouldn’t take long before he starts bringing home girls. I shudder at the mere thought of the inevitable.
The remaining years of his childhood will be filled with yells and smiles, hugs and tears — but it’ll all be worth it. I’m sure.
Yes, I asked for a son. And six years after, it looks like I got all that and more. :)
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