“Not now” Doesn’t Mean “Never”


A retrograde planet will always urge you to look back and fix things that have been left unfinished or unresolved. In that case, the universe is trying to help you by showing you the whole picture so that you can move on with your life. – Aries horoscope, March 2009

When I was a kid, I hated hearing “no” and “not now.” To me, “no” and “not now” only meant the same thing — it meant “never”.

It meant I’m “never” gonna get that toy or watch that movie or play outside.

When I grew up, I still hated hearing “no” and “not now”. To me, it meant I will never get that shiny gadget, that promising job, or marry my one true love.

I blame myself partly. I blame my attitude towards things, people and events. I blame the fact that I was never good at waiting. I see waiting as nothing but a slow process of a torture of letting me know that there isn’t anything to look forward to in the first place.

Waiting is like that jerk of a boyfriend who, after realizing he doesn’t like you anymore, or never really liked you in the first place, doesn’t have the guts or balls if I may, to tell it to your face, so instead he resorts to vexing — in the hopes that you’ll get the bombs of hints he’s dropping and eventually relieve yourself of the agony by doing the dirty task of cutting the ties that bind. Perfect escape executed. End of story. Good riddance.

Now, to correlate that with the realities of life — we are surrounded by vexatious people, no doubt about that. Everyday, they bombard us with “no’s” and “not now’s”. They tell us that “no” — it’s not possible or “not now” — you can’t have it. “No” — it’s not for you. “Not now” — somebody else deserves it.

Well, I say, screw it. Screw these people who belittle your ambitions. Screw these bastards who think you don’t deserve anything more than what you’re getting now. Life is meant to be “lived” — by you. By your guidelines. By your standards. Not anybody else’s.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.”Mark Twain

Sure they can kick you and push you into that little corner, brainwash you and attempt to take away what little pride you have left. But don’t you let them. Don’t you let them win. Don’t you ever let them relish the sight or even the thought of crushing your spirit. You’re better than that.

Let me tell you now — after 30 long years of existence, that “not now” doesn’t mean never. So hold on to that dream. Hold on to that promise. Sure, it may take a while — maybe even a lifetime. But while you wait, and everytime you feel you want to give up the fight — the dream — remember what I told you: “not now” does not mean “never”. It may mean “hang in there” or “you’re almost there”, but definitely not “never”. Let that sink in for a moment. And then wait some more. After all, good things come to those who wait.

That dream house? Not now.

That dream job? Not now.

That dream car? Not now.

:)

One response to ““Not now” Doesn’t Mean “Never””

  1. Great post, man. Hope to have more just like this one, don’t get quite much of it, but sounds interesting to me.

    Like

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About Me
Cecilia Regina Aquino Blanquera Marmol aka RJ Marmol profile picture

I’m RJ Marmol — writer, musician, and independent creator based in Manila.

I write songs, essays, and books about the messy overlap between money, overwhelm, creativity, identity, and rebuilding. Much of my work circles around what happens when life stops feeling manageable — and how we try to think clearly, make decisions, and keep moving anyway.

I’m also the author of Rebuilding Under Debt: Thinking Clearly When Everything Is a Blur, a nonfiction book published under Steady Hand Press. The paperback edition is listed under my full publishing name, Cecilia Regina Aquino Blanquera.

On the music side, I release work as HeyRJ. On the writing side, this site is where I gather my books, essays, notes, and whatever I’m building next.

Music

HeyRJ is my sonic soul project. I create raw, minimalist-style and deeply personal music interpretations that feel like a late-night conversation with your truest self.

By blending lo-fi acoustic textures with poetic honesty, my work explores love, loss, grief, healing, and the quiet in-betweens of life. Each song is a letter — a journal entry — a gentle companion for when the world feels too loud or too quiet.

While my catalogue began with intimate cover renditions, my work is increasingly being shaped by original writing, drawing from years of poems, lived questions, and emotional survival.

“Stuck Home Syndrome” released on March 20, 2026 is my first original 20-track album written during a period when time felt compressed and days began to blur into each other. The songs came from sitting with thoughts that had nowhere else to go — unfiltered, repetitive, and sometimes uncomfortable. It’s a concept album that isn’t built around singles or polish. It’s closer to a continuous inner monologue, recorded with minimal production and very little ornamentation and meant to be listened to as one cohesive body of work. The goal wasn’t to resolve anything, only to document how it felt while it was happening.

On May 29, 2026 I released new original singles – “Rapturous”, “Uh Huh”, “Look At You”, “All That” and “Blew Print”. I continue to release both original and cover songs and intend to so for as long as I can so check back every once in a while — you might. just find something you’ll like.

For business inquiries relating to music, email me at: heyrjmusic[at]gmail[dot]com or my personal email at: rjmarmol[at]gmail[dot]com.

Books

Rebuilding Under Debt: Thinking Clearly When Everything Is a Blur

A nonfiction book about what debt does to the mind — and how to begin functioning again when financial stress has made everything feel blurred, urgent, and overwhelming.

Rather than treating debt only as a financial math problem, the book explores the emotional and cognitive realities of financial distress: shame, decision fatigue, avoidance, panic, relationship strain, and the difficulty of making sound decisions while mentally depleted.

Published under Steady Hand Press. It’s available worldwide in ebook and paperback formats on Amazon. Bookstores and libraries can also be order it wholesale via Ingram.

Contact

For book-related inquiries, media requests, bookstore questions, or discussion-group invitations, you can reach me through the contact page on this site or send me an email to rjmarmol[at]gmail[dot]com or hello[at]steadyhandpress.com