Turning 30, Turning Inward


I know it’s April Fools’ Day. And if only for that reason, I’m not supposed to write anything serious. Because on the contrary, I’m expected to write something really hilarious or utterly impossible to believe. One that will make anyone who read this entry shake his/her head in utter disbelief hoping that what I wrote is nothing but my contribution to the many “foolish” entries written on April Fools’ Day.

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you guys. But I’m leaning towards being overly-killjoy today. So, no — this is not a hilarious entry. Nor is it something I’d claim to be the exact opposite (or retract) the following day. I’m not going to write a press release for the sake of the occasion and then do a “Nicole” afterwards. This is not your April Fools’ Day entry.

As you may all know (or maybe not), April is my birthday month. And this year is no ordinary year for it marks a “supposed” milestone in my life — the so-called “big 3-0”.  Come April 8, a Holy Wednesday, I will turn 30.

I’m used to really quiet and uneventful birthdays for two reasons. For one, my family has never really been big on birthdays. There were few occasions when a celebration was mandatory like my 1st and 7th birthday, but other than that, I hardly remember any “happiest-birthday-ever” sort of celebration. I even turned 18 one uneventful day. But that’s not what this post is about. It’s not about gripe for lack of “memorable” birthday celebrations. Second, I was born on a Palm Sunday, summer of ’79. So, naturally, from then on, my birthday almost always fell on a Holy Week, or a few days before or after Holy Week.

Now, I’m well aware that turning 30 has got countless women (and men) out there panicky and worried about their looks, their achievements (or lack thereof), of being married (or unmarried for far too long). But I’m not gonna talk about that either. Maybe because I myself, having lived that long, don’t really have anything to show for — all these 30 years.

So, I guess I’ll just write about my thoughts on turning 30 in a more inspiring yet not-so-personal way. So, here goes.

While the entire world puts pressure on today’s 20-somethings to achieve more, give more, get more — what with that “more-is-better-less-is-a-shame” mantra, I think we should stop awhile, put down that pen, that phone, that organizer — and think. Since when did “getting” more meant “being” more? Since when did we allow success or failure define who we really are or how much we are really worth?

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. – Ecclesiastes 9:11 (KJV)

Isn’t the knowledge that we are loved enough to prove how much we are worth? Isn’t the knowledge of what we can do and what we are meant to do enough to show us who we are and who we are not? Why must our lives be defined by society — whose conventions are sometimes more frivolous than the most absurd of dreams and wishes of fools? Why must the measure of one’s life be subject to the criticism of those who hardly know our strengths and passions? Who hardly know the color of our eyes? Or the smell of our hair? Or how wonderful we are at doing the underrated mundane chores of making breakfast or tending for the house plants. Okay, maybe I’m a bit biased there, since I recently lost a job (as consequence of my nanny leaving abruptly).

As we grow older, I think we must learn to look inward. Has wisdom finally caught-up with our age? Or are we still the same silly child we once were? Only that now, we are clad in that power suit, typing vigorously behind that wireless keyboard, or tinkering gracefully with that flashy Blackberry? And if so, is it all that bad? Should we be worried? Or be thankful?

Growing older is a time for us to redefine who we are, our true worth and how far we’ve come to achieving and living up to the very essence of our existence — in this sojourn — which is to give happiness to as many people as we can with the little time we have in our hands. But most importantly, to give love and happiness back to the few people to whom our very existence is not only a joy but a gift in itself. After all, a lifetime is never the same for everyone. And more often than not, it tends to be shorter than we thought it to be. So why waste a second of it by second guessing yourself if you are doing “well” under society’s lens and metrics?

Happy birthday to all April celebrants out there. Let no one fool you into thinking you deserve less because you produce less, give less, or get less. To quote the famous “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann:

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. And whether or not, it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should”.

So, to everyone of my generation turning 30 this year: Happy 3-0! Age gracefully my friends..

2 responses to “Turning 30, Turning Inward”

  1. A very nice post indeed, I too is getting near the age 30, and this post had enlightened me. Thanks so much!

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  2. @Steve Cross, thank you for your time and comments. Know that all is appreciated.. Cheers!

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About Me
Cecilia Regina Aquino Blanquera Marmol aka RJ Marmol profile picture

I’m RJ Marmol — writer, musician, and independent creator based in Manila.

I write songs, essays, and books about the messy overlap between money, overwhelm, creativity, identity, and rebuilding. Much of my work circles around what happens when life stops feeling manageable — and how we try to think clearly, make decisions, and keep moving anyway.

I’m also the author of Rebuilding Under Debt: Thinking Clearly When Everything Is a Blur, a nonfiction book published under Steady Hand Press. The paperback edition is listed under my full publishing name, Cecilia Regina Aquino Blanquera.

On the music side, I release work as HeyRJ. On the writing side, this site is where I gather my books, essays, notes, and whatever I’m building next.

Music

HeyRJ is my sonic soul project. I create raw, minimalist-style and deeply personal music interpretations that feel like a late-night conversation with your truest self.

By blending lo-fi acoustic textures with poetic honesty, my work explores love, loss, grief, healing, and the quiet in-betweens of life. Each song is a letter — a journal entry — a gentle companion for when the world feels too loud or too quiet.

While my catalogue began with intimate cover renditions, my work is increasingly being shaped by original writing, drawing from years of poems, lived questions, and emotional survival.

“Stuck Home Syndrome” released on March 20, 2026 is my first original 20-track album written during a period when time felt compressed and days began to blur into each other. The songs came from sitting with thoughts that had nowhere else to go — unfiltered, repetitive, and sometimes uncomfortable. It’s a concept album that isn’t built around singles or polish. It’s closer to a continuous inner monologue, recorded with minimal production and very little ornamentation and meant to be listened to as one cohesive body of work. The goal wasn’t to resolve anything, only to document how it felt while it was happening.

On May 29, 2026 I released new original singles – “Rapturous”, “Uh Huh”, “Look At You”, “All That” and “Blew Print”. I continue to release both original and cover songs and intend to so for as long as I can so check back every once in a while — you might. just find something you’ll like.

For business inquiries relating to music, email me at: heyrjmusic[at]gmail[dot]com or my personal email at: rjmarmol[at]gmail[dot]com.

Books

Rebuilding Under Debt: Thinking Clearly When Everything Is a Blur

A nonfiction book about what debt does to the mind — and how to begin functioning again when financial stress has made everything feel blurred, urgent, and overwhelming.

Rather than treating debt only as a financial math problem, the book explores the emotional and cognitive realities of financial distress: shame, decision fatigue, avoidance, panic, relationship strain, and the difficulty of making sound decisions while mentally depleted.

Published under Steady Hand Press. It’s available worldwide in ebook and paperback formats on Amazon. Bookstores and libraries can also be order it wholesale via Ingram.

Contact

For book-related inquiries, media requests, bookstore questions, or discussion-group invitations, you can reach me through the contact page on this site or send me an email to rjmarmol[at]gmail[dot]com or hello[at]steadyhandpress.com