Unlike many girls out there, I never really dreamed of becoming a beauty queen or a movie star. Maybe because I hardly had the makings of either or both.

Unlike many kids out there, I never really dreamed of becoming a doctor or a nurse. Maybe because although I find it fascinating, intriguing and challenging, I knew these hands of mine, caring as they are, will never touch someone else’s blood. Not because I dread it, but because fate would have it that way.

I never dreamed of such things. Or maybe that’s because I hardly dreamed.

They say people who don’t dream have unimaginative minds. Others say the absence of dreams is a manifestation of fulfillment in life. While others still, believe that it simply means you don’t have much problems. Whether those are true or not is not for me to say. All I know is that it’s been a while since I last dreamed, and I don’t even remember what that was about.

Back to my story.

I never dreamed of becoming a dentist either. The closest experience I had with dentistry is pulling an ailing cat’s tooth inflamed with abscess (i know right, gross..) because some cruel unevolved homo sapien hit its head with a 2×2 coco lumber while that cat was munching a fish it stole from the cooking table. The poor cat, after my miraculous teeth (molar) pulling operation I have done through the use of a highly-useful house tool known to many as “pliers”. For the technically-adept, I used a pair of diagonal pliers — to be precise. I was either 9 or 10 when I did that. I thought that cat would die anyway so, what the heck, I did what I could and prayed. After all, there was nothing to lose, the poor animal is good as dead anyway, it was so thin and lethargic because it can’t eat. The day after, lo and behold, she is well, eating like there’s no tomorrow.

That’s just me, always alert and lucid in the face of accidents or fits — others call it “presence of mind”. I call it adrenaline rush on demand. I was always ready and willing to get my hands dirty if need be.

I also didn’t dream of becoming a physical therapist (besides, when I was young, PT’s aren’t so well-known yet). But I do know that once, our pet cat that got run over by a car or whatever that was that ran over her poor leg, limp for weeks, was able to walk like nothing happened when I massaged its leg. Miracle, I tell you. It was awesome.

Also, although I liked looking at plants and my acquaintance with those lovely living things was limited to appreciation from a distance, it took a while before I realized that I do have that so-called “green thumb”. Believe it or not my darlings, whatever I plant, be it in arid or fertile soil, it will grow — and with very little effort from me after I have planted the seed or stuck the unwitting branch or “whatever-they-call-that” to the ground. A miracle, I tell you. It is awesome. Sometimes I wonder if the same will happen if I planted one in Mars.

Now that I have become older, it’s silly that I’ve grown backwards. There isn’t much that I fear, it’s not that. But somehow, I think I’ve forgotten how to see miracles around me. I’ve forgotten how these hands, in one way or another were able to heal and make a difference. And I’m not just talking here about the “medical” and other health-related sort of healing and of miracles. I’m talking “faith” — yeah, it’s such a big word, I know. It probably scares a lot of pessimists out there and makes them run for cover.

Faith in what I do. Faith in what I can do. Faith in people. Faith in life. Faith in faith itself.

I mention this for one reason — because I have lost faith in what I wanted to become. For too long a time, I have chanted an endless mantra of “It’s too late for this and that”, “I can’t do this and that” or “I wasn’t meant to do this and that”. I surround myself with negativity to the point that I actually believed that I was incapable of certain “this and thats”. It’s depressing. If you do that everyday, you’ll eventually lose your soul or sense of self.

Tonight, let me tell you a story lifted from my book. It’s called “My Life” and there is only one page in it. In that one page, there is only one sentence. And it reads, “I lived my life as I believed it to be.”

Have faith my friends. It ain’t over till it’s over. And it’s never over until you believe it so.