These past weeks have been weird for me in terms of health. Although I’m not in spanking great health condition, I am not that fragile either. It comes as a surprise then, that I have been feeling unwell for quite some time now. Since my brother-in-law Eugene’s sudden and unexpected demise a few weeks ago, me and my husband Ritchie have suddenly become instant hypochondriacs. He had his ECG, 2D echo and stress test a week ago to diagnose complaints of consistent chest pains — something that he’s been experiencing occasionally years ago but have suddenly recurred and more consistently the last 2 weeks. This was what prompted him to finally have himself checked-up. ECG wasn’t that good but 2D echo and stress test seemed okay. Results will be interpreted and discussed to us in our next visit which will hopefully be within the week or early next week. We are optimistic.

Yesterday, on the way to Beanstalk Cafe in Calamba, Crossing, trying to catch the 11pm “last order” schedule, I suddenly felt palpitations and a poking/stabbing pain similar to what happened a few nights before. I ignored it and passed it up as some usual heart weirdness. We stayed there for an hour. All the while, my heartbeat/heartrate was running as fast as 165bpm (yeah, I was counting and talking and smiling all at the same time). But when the pain became apparent in the occasional smirk, I had to tell my worried husband that I did felt something really painful. And it was freakin’ scary. He wanted to take me to a hospital but I felt it wasn’t necessary — not yet, I think. All I wanted was just to get home to my son. The idea of wasting time in a hospital when you’re in extreme pain isn’t exactly appealing to me compared to the comfort of being home.

It’s funny and coincidental that just the other night, we talked about death and “last requests”. Morbid, I know, but death is a fact that has to be accepted and prepared for. So, I told myself what I wanted to happen if ever I die first. And for the purpose of documenting, I think it would be best to write it here.

My Last Requests/Instructions When I Die:

1. Epitaph on my headstone: I want it to read “Here Lies An Ordinary Woman Who Dreamed Extraordinary Dreams That Came True.” (Okay, well, my dreams haven’t exactly came true yet and that’s precisely the point why “I Don’t Want To Die — At Least Not Yet.” is the title of this post. I jokingly asked Ritchie to have “Wife. Mother. Blogger.” set in stone — to which he grinned..

2. I want my body cremated/incinerated the soonest possible after I die. A wake lasting for a week at most is alright, but I want my “urn” and photo placed there instead of my “formalin-loaded corpse”. Please. I want family and friends to remember me as a “live” person who they have actually spoken to, shared stories and laughters with.

3. Everyone is forbidden to wear black. I prefer white.

4. Since I’m already cremated, I don’t want a long “procession” during interment. I don’t want anyone to walk a step just for me. Everyone will take the car or whatever. Nobody walks.

5. My urn will not stay at home. It belongs in the cemetery.

6. I want soft music to play the whole time. “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg is my favorite song so it must be included in the repertoire, but please don’t set it to “Repeat One”. The more songs, the better.

7. I wish and I pray that God will grant me this: that I die in the company of my family and friends and not in a remote place away from those that I love. And that, before I die, I wish that I have at least made a difference in one person’s life.

I’ll have this edited once in a while when a new idea or request comes to mind..

P.S.

Sorry if it’s a bit morbid.. had to do it..